Mao’s Last Dancer

          I didn’t get to choose movies for last night, so when I showed up in the living room, the movie has already started. Apparently, marriage gives wisdom to a man. My husband has come to an understanding that he will never get his way (maybe sometimes) if he always played gentleman. Last night was a great presentation. Oddly, I didn’t complain either. David has been talking about watching this movie for a while, but I didn’t want to. Based on my impression and experience, I assumed that this movie was like any other movies mocking and humiliating the big leader in my country. Someone did make some smart comment on the big leader in this movie. Nothing major, he just simply twisted his last name into a cat’s yawn, which I think it is pretty funny.

       This movie reminded me quite bit of China. I don’t watch too many Chinese movies or TV shows here, except some effort-less pop culture stuff. The little boy’s face brought me back to my time in elementary school. Of course, nothing was as harsh as his environment , but I still wore the little red triangle around my neck every day, and I sat by my desk in the classroom with my arms folded like this too

.

       Such a small person with the firm belief and love for his country never had any idea that he would be given the chance to discover his own heart, most importantly, the opportunity to find his life and define himself as a person with free will! He went through unbearable turmoil for his decision, and his family back in the rural area in China certainly tasted the punishment of the “misplacement” of the priority of the country, even though they had nothing to do with it. He pursued his dream, and he peaked. According to the movie, his family was hanging there without complaining about his decisions. Finally, his parents got to come to Houston, TX to watch him dance. The moment he found that familiar face of his mother, he was stunned! He moved his eyes away because he didn’t believe it was true. It might be just the dreams he has been having for the past 14 years. However, he didn’t wake up this time, instead, the dream started to approach him. Closer and closer, he saw the two teared- up faces standing right there in front of him. The audience started to applaud. Claps and cheers were from everywhere. Our great ballet dancer got down on his knees, weeping silently. When the emotions were calmer, his dad asked sheepishly: why don’t you guys wear a bit more when dance? Can’t say I didn’t see that coming.

          At end of the movie, he and his wife went back to the rural town. To please his mentor who was sent away because his non-communist understanding of art, they started to leap around dancing for them. It is just so great to see them clapping and laughing, probably the only one appreciating the lines and moves is his mentor. I love the scene, and I especially love the very last moment when they stop right there under the flag. the picture for that is this link http://www.imdb.com/media/rm2052948480/tt1071812

         I’m not going to lie, there are a lot of people criticizing him being disloyal to his country, but I, along with many others, believe that only can ideal and loyalty be unified when the basic human respect is paid.

         just have to put a picture of the real person.

My Morning!

It has been a good day today. I literally spent the whole morning on the phone! I know I know, some of the smart aleck, who get to read this post, will probably say: well, isn't that what you do at your job? Well, that too. But the time I spent on the phone was way more fun than my routine; I got to talk to three friends for a long time! They seem to do pretty well for themselves. B's mom said she has prepared a 10-pound fish for me for the upcoming December!! I seriously doubt if David and I can put that lovely 10-pound thingy in our stomach, esp. you know, mine is just too small for that :) S is getting rich! He now has enough to make his house a home! According to him, he can't wait to move out of his parents' house. Do we care? Not really... but wait, the best of part of that is his house will be ready by December, which means David and I will get to stay with him for free! YEAH~ They can't wait for me to go back, and I seriously can't wait to go back to China either! Home, sweet home~ and
FOOD~~
I want to go to Texas for the weekend! A friend is graduating from law school, and the whole family is moving to Houston. My experience with this friend is quite interesting. I threw his computer on the ground in a train station, and I really cussed out loud right in his face. Later he said to me : 骂人是不对的！and I said: 你说的很对.
Gee, what a friendship!
I love my friends!


 

The Cynical Me----full of love

最近很闲。去了一次海滩，吃了很多东西，照了600多张照片。最重要的是，我的春季学期已经结---束----了！！HAPPY!
也许是因为太闲，所以这个深藏的cynical me又开始蠢蠢欲动。唉，就像主说的繁忙是魔鬼，idle也不就是魔鬼来着？叹~

1. 我的年龄。很烦。别人看着我，会觉得我还小。问了之后，才知道我真的是老。但是，在我身边，和我一般老的（不好意思，Crystal~），要不就是有了小孩，开口闭口谈孩子；要不就是忙创业，言谈举止都贼成熟。看看我，觉得什么都尴尬。接触最频繁的还是个比我小6岁的（love love love~）。唉~

2. 属灵成长。好像大部分的属灵学习都是给college students，或者福音朋友。给我这个年纪的学习机会要么是在week day的某个早上，所以年纪相仿的妈妈，主妇们就纷纷然开心地去了。但是殊不知，这个年纪的还有是困在学校的！再叹~

3. 三叹。有些available的学习机会弄得像是60年代向毛主席决志一样...深度没有，紧张度潮爆！我脆弱的神经啊~但是，自己和她们相比，又不够老，既没有说话机会，也没有灵命深度。唉，我多么渴望一个我曾经有过的有深度，灵敏且又活跃的学习小组。

ok. 抱怨结束。谢谢观看！

Chitchat

I am officially done with my school at 8:35 this morning. I thought I would feel so crazily well, but guess what, I didn't scream or jump. I turned in my assignment, and walked out of Hayley Center. There was pre-summer breeze blowing away the hair on my face. It felt so light! The thought of not having school for over two weeks made me feel like the 50-calorie light beer in the commercial----LIGHT!
This is my first April in America. It has been a semi-creepy experience because of the "severe weather". Those tornadoes do not pull people's legs at all. The name is tornado, and once they come, they'll make sure things are torn 了都! There were a couple of times that I seriously felt my poor trailer will be blown up-side-down---God forbidden!
I have been having some allergies, and Peter is even worse. He came home last night with reddish eyes and nose. He just looked so pathetic. However, he is the sad one yet. David is officially down. He showed up in my kitchen with a pretty pitiful face last night, and started to have some temperature later that night. When we woke up this morning, he just sounded like talking in a very big bathroom once he started to talk to me (odd comparison--I know :)). So he decided to stay in bed today.
Hopefully, all these sickness can go away before Friday. I don't want Patrick to get sick while he is with us. Finger crossed! I really want to go with everybody to the gathering on Friday night, but I know I probably need to attend the honor society initiation on campus. Oh well, I will be with them and the baby for the whole weekend anyway. It's all good.
What should I do before summer semester start? umm.... meet with friends, eat, shop, take pictures, chat, sleep...  sounds good! I'm going to Marsh mellow to have lunch with a friend, and I think I will probably order hummus---- yummm!
I just finished talking to a guy on the phone, and I believe that he is drunk. Hilariously, he tried to imitate how I talked; e.g. how can I help you? and I will have to transfer you, OK? ....Funny but kind of creepy.
Alright, enough for chitchat for nothing. Love ya'll~

Cold Play

上次听他们的歌是在2008年，我刚结婚后，开始认真考虑停止工作，真的开始准备来美国的某个星期六。那天和今天一样，天气暗暗的，整个房子里只有我一个人。当CD开始在唱碟机里开始旋转，音乐出来的时候，我就只想躺在凉凉的地板上，看着天花板，回忆自己的青春。
Coldplay陪伴了我最迷茫的post-adolescence。那时的我狂妄也绝望。一头红发，一副大大的墨镜，加上一件蓝色的Northface登山服，旁若无人地暴走在不同的城市间。回想起那时的日子，印象最深刻的就是，当一辆吉普车冲进了北京秀水附近的星巴克咖啡厅时，我的眼睛随着车的方向，却看见了橱窗玻璃中的自己。那是一张洗得发白的印象。我的整张脸被太阳打在墨镜上的光映的看不清面目，一头长长的红头发在太阳下顾自的红，那蓝色的登山服也是狂妄的蓝着。那时的我没有归宿感。不知道家该怎么走。主也像是我在阳光下模糊的面孔，只是可能更加模糊些。
那时的我，工作只是长在自己背上的一颗青春痘，不小心挠到了才突然记起。碰巧那时管我们的一个老教授就像是我的奶奶，我迟到早退，她从来都是兵来将挡，水来土掩。我的那些学生们能够逮上我问一个问题，都是一个学年话题。记得有一个小男孩，很执着，所以我带他出去看了一场电影，据他说，从此他成了整个年级被讨论最多的人。呵呵，都不知道他还记不记得我。
那时23，4岁的我，在武汉待得时间真的是不长，星期五一到，我就一定是在车上，或在飞机场，那时的心很不安宁，我也不愿意一个人面对自己。我不知道圣经中说的peace是个什么概念，或者什么样的人做着什么样的事情才会让我觉得那就是peace的定义。主的grace对那时的我就像是一个传说，听说过，但从来没有尝过。现在想起来，才知道姐姐是很理解我的。她想帮助我逃避我不想面对的现实，即时那意味着她需要时时刻刻在病倒的妈妈身边。那时的我是软弱，不孝的。我不愿意让悲伤沉淀，所以我不停地走，不停地蔑视身边的人和事。这时我才知道，主那时在我的生命中放了很多很多的人，他们不断地给我主的grace，我只是不知道而已。很多的你们可能都不知道，2006年我是追着一个男孩子来了美国。那时我也是才和上一任分开没有4个月而已。因着补偿心理，因着他和我一样，长着一张很迷失的样子。结果我在美国碰到了David。
我一直都很喜欢Cold play。他们让我想我了以前的我，想起了Cosmopolitan,Marie Claire, 瑞丽，想起了Irish coffee. 也让我想起了我们家的那位，想起了姐姐，想起了主对我的安排。Yep, this is a beautiful world.

Trivial Pursue

Wow it has been a month since I blogged. A lot of things have happened. I wish I can have more time to blog, but school for this semester has been stressful and dreadful. Hopefully, it'll get better in the summer...but so far, all the rumors I've heard about summer semester have nothing to do with "better". Oh, well, I'm in school---enough said.
Now let me fill you in with what have happened in the past month.

1. I have some lumps growing at the left side of my neck, and they turned out to be thyroid multiple nodular caused by Hypothyroidism. Not cool. Now I'm on medication. I will get a blood work done in 2 more weeks to see if TSH and T4 have been behaving better. However, the fatigue and memory loss coming alone with this bull dog have me dragging quite a bit. Again, NOT COOL.

2. I hate the diagnosis class. Sometimes I do love it, but when my memory is not helping much, and my energy level is not good enough for what this stupid course demands, sorry, gal, I hate you alright. Just for the record, I'm not going to get 4.0 this semester because of this course.Sign~

3. I got seriously belittled by a mid-easterner at work. He called in in my working hour, and educated me not to call the student ID the banner ID; he also complained that American government didn't care about him; he decided that Financial policy needed reformation because he can't get a monthly stipend based on the current one; he criticized my English because he can't stand accented language;what's worse, he basically told me not to behave like me knowing more than he does, simply because I'm a woman. However, there are some facts you have to know about this person. First, his name is Houssein, the same as the dead dictater in Iraq---Ha, what a coincidence; Second, he is not an American citizen yet, he is here with a Green Card, and yet he complains about the government which is not even his; Third, stipend is only available for the graduate students with assistantship, since you act so smart, how come you, Mr. Big, can't get one with the stipend you want?; Fourth, Gee, his accent is even worse than mine---oh my Gosh!!; The last but not the least, he made me cry, so I'm going to talk you head off Mr!

4. The package I sent back to China to my Dad arrived yesterday. So my sister is all enthusiastic about making the tea and pouring down my Dad's throat, and praying that it'll work on him. So let's all pray together for him, my friends.

5. I had my interview for my practicum and internship. However, the site I did my interview with is too popular. It only offers 3 spots, but there are 5 of us waiting. FYI, other sites basically accept you if they interview you, no suspension whatsoever. Finger-crossed friends, pray hard!

6. David is at the retreat right now. He will be there till Sunday night. Peter is leaving tomorrow (Friday) to his orientation for his summer job. Oh boy, home alone~not gonna lie, I miss my husband already!

7. My friend, Carolyn, is pregnant with her second baby. Yah for Patrick. So he doesn't have to play with his boring Daddy all the time anymore :)

8. I went shopping. I love shopping! I wish I can go to do more shopping real soon~ I wish my shoes will still be there waiting for me to bring them home!

9. I went to see a dentist. Dental care is so expensive in America. And, big news, my dear friends, I have THREE cavities! Darn it...

10. I had Rachel and Sarah down in Auburn for a weekend, and we shared a bed for two nights, which was a lot of fun. I love my sisters-in-law!

Well, I think I have pretty much updated what happened in the past month. Read happily my friends, and have a blessed and joyful weekend! Love and hugs!

As a New Immigrant

I really thought about writing in Chinese, but I don't know why it seems harder and harder for me to come up with stuff to say when I'm trying to organize everything in Chinese. It is so pathetic. My English is still a mess, yet I'm losing my ability of writing in Chinese at the same time. It does remind me of a name of a movie, which is No Country For Old Men. Sometimes I feel confused about my standing, in bad days, the so-called "cross-cultural" will be worsened so much that it almost feels like ostracism. I don't know which country is more a home or a sense of security. In times like this, I will start wondering if it will be better for me to make a once-for-all change. Yet almost immediately, I will realize how stupid it is for me to attempt to change something purely psychological by swapping a passport. So I would just say "no country for Grace" under my breath, then chuckle quietly. 

In an nutshell, it is hard to be a new immigrant. There are so many variables coming with moving from a more familiar place to a new environment. If you move from a more developed and richer location to a less expensive and less developed area, you wouldn't be financially stressed out, but still you will be concerned about the sanitary standard, the food, and the local security, as you can tell, enough to create some mental stress. However, indisputably, there is going to be way more stress the other way around.

Finance will be the first. Last year, it was tight for me, and our situation made me miss my home country quite a bit. But, you know what, I was not alone. Human beings can somehow always find a way to make their life better. I laughed really hard when I heard one lady went to dumpsters in her city to pick out abandoned furniture daily and sent them to local thrift stores, so that she can accumulate enough to reduce the tax her husband had to pay. I remember I shook my head and said "unbelievable"; some people couldn't afford to pay for the expense for keeping pets in their apartments, they simply chose to hide their pets in their apartments, and only took those poor creatures out for a walk when the apt manager was out; some of the business owners decided to hire illegally for cheaper costs, and there were always people willing to do so because they needed the money;... yes news of such is plenty, and news of such has permanently formed numerous reputation, assumption and impression. 

I feel sad and I blush. But I think I understand it a little bit more these days than before. An article I read before helped me very much. It said the reason our people or people from mainland were more aggressive was that there was lack of sense of security already even they were back in their homeland, so they had to be aggressive to keep what they had or what they deserved to have. So here is a good question: how would they feel once moving to a totally new environment where they are not the majority or priority anymore?

Of course, this is not an excuse for why they behave this way or what they have done.

 It is time to file tax again. I have heard from some of the students regarding how much money they got back from American government this year, and comments on that as well. These comments are: Of course I need to get this much back, the dumb American in my lab, so dumb, he got even more than I did; or, Of course they need to give me more back…I’m so poor; etc.

My point is when people feel insecure and out-of-place, all they can think of is to satisfy their own desire by any means. They will be aggressive, rude and inconsiderate. Plus, it is definitely not helping at all if the environment is totally ignorant about the new immigrants. I got one person asking me if we still use coal to keep warm and cook the other day.

Yes there are reasons to explain their behaviors. But that does not say it is OK for them to behave this way. We can pray, and God can change everything. Of course, we can always start from ourselves. We are the image of our own country. It always takes only one at a time to make a huge difference.