It has been bothering me for quite a long time, and I just have to share it here.
A lady came to me about 2 weeks ago.
she: I heard that your dad has cancer..
me: yes..
she: I heard it is lung cancer...
me: ( signing... )yes, late stage.
she: don't do surgery, don't do chemo either...
me: (feeling very understood...) yes, you are right, and that's what my sister has been suggesting.
she: Grace, if I knew this earlier, I would've shown/ given this to you earlier too...
( while she was talking, she took out a bottle of pills. I thought to myself: awww, they are so nice, everybody is trying to help out or at least giving me some ideas too...)
me: ( very touched...) you don't need to ...
( right before I finished my sentence of appreciation, she said ...)
she: I can sell this to you, and I still have two other bottles at home... If I knew earlier, I could've sold them to you long time ago...
me: (in shock, speechless.)
she: let me know, OK? But they won't be available after the 8th of July.
me: ( pretend to be calm and nod as well; under the breath, I heard myself: what the f***)
Still, right at this moment, I can still feel and hear myself. Seriously? What the F***!!!!!!!!!!!!1
Tuesday, July 5, 2011
Saturday, July 2, 2011
TIME
Suddenly I wanted to blog. Now I'm on the way to St.Louis for a wedding. it has been around 5 hours on the road, and hasn't been as bad as I remembered. Guess overall, this trip might not be as bad as I thought it would.
Two years ago, David and I flew all the way to move our home to this country. Our flight was on the 7th of July. so pretty much, it has been two years since I moved. Two years! Time is very powerful. It changes everything, physically and mentally. I don't think I'm the self I used to be two years ago. Davis has been different, and our marriage surely is not the same anymore----of course, in a good way :) don't worry my friends :) and when i was recalling the memories I have about two years ago, a 15-year-old boy jumped into my head. I got to know him when I was in college. Back then, I always went to a local orphanage after church on Sunday's. He was always there. He was tall, and very dark. Super skinny. After running into him several times, I started to talk to him more. He moved here many years ago after a big flood in china. His mother died in that flood. Now his father had to work at many different jobs to support him and his sister. At that moment, he was enrolled in a CHinese Medicine and Acupuncture Vocational School to get some skills so he can help out. He was so skinny, and so humble when he was telling the story. He was sad too. He said he didn't have anything else to do, so why not come here to be with them...he said: I like children too; they don't have a mother, I don't have one either...
Whenever I think about him, my heart is really empty, and it will start aching. I invited him to go to our Christian retreat together; I got free clothes from my cousin who owned a big brand in China for him... He was always very grateful. I think I probably had my first parental instinct when I was with him. I wanted so bad to take carebof him; I wanted so bad to have a life without the sadness in his heart; I wanted so bad for him to feel that he was well loved by people around him... It was so great to him grow among us.
Later, I graduated. I left the city I went to school with. He was still there. Once a while, he would text me to tell me about his school and his life. Then I changed my phone number couple times, and I gradually forgot about him, and forgot to even transfer his number to my new phones/ numbers. No matter how important it is used to be in your life, trust me, friends, they will fade out throughout time; I'm sure I'm not the only person in the world holding this sort of regret. time can be a powerful instrument used by God; but it seems like most of the time, it has always been used as a weapon by Satan. It comes back out of blue, it will bite you hard on the softest spot in your soul.
I don't know if I am going to resume the contact with him; I know I will constantly think about him once a while... When I feel sad and angry about not keeping him in my life, I will pray to God to take care of him. I will pray that God gives him hope, and God will give him a person who can gradually eliminate the pain in his eyes, and, the most importantly, God has already had him follow the words.
Two years ago, David and I flew all the way to move our home to this country. Our flight was on the 7th of July. so pretty much, it has been two years since I moved. Two years! Time is very powerful. It changes everything, physically and mentally. I don't think I'm the self I used to be two years ago. Davis has been different, and our marriage surely is not the same anymore----of course, in a good way :) don't worry my friends :) and when i was recalling the memories I have about two years ago, a 15-year-old boy jumped into my head. I got to know him when I was in college. Back then, I always went to a local orphanage after church on Sunday's. He was always there. He was tall, and very dark. Super skinny. After running into him several times, I started to talk to him more. He moved here many years ago after a big flood in china. His mother died in that flood. Now his father had to work at many different jobs to support him and his sister. At that moment, he was enrolled in a CHinese Medicine and Acupuncture Vocational School to get some skills so he can help out. He was so skinny, and so humble when he was telling the story. He was sad too. He said he didn't have anything else to do, so why not come here to be with them...he said: I like children too; they don't have a mother, I don't have one either...
Whenever I think about him, my heart is really empty, and it will start aching. I invited him to go to our Christian retreat together; I got free clothes from my cousin who owned a big brand in China for him... He was always very grateful. I think I probably had my first parental instinct when I was with him. I wanted so bad to take carebof him; I wanted so bad to have a life without the sadness in his heart; I wanted so bad for him to feel that he was well loved by people around him... It was so great to him grow among us.
Later, I graduated. I left the city I went to school with. He was still there. Once a while, he would text me to tell me about his school and his life. Then I changed my phone number couple times, and I gradually forgot about him, and forgot to even transfer his number to my new phones/ numbers. No matter how important it is used to be in your life, trust me, friends, they will fade out throughout time; I'm sure I'm not the only person in the world holding this sort of regret. time can be a powerful instrument used by God; but it seems like most of the time, it has always been used as a weapon by Satan. It comes back out of blue, it will bite you hard on the softest spot in your soul.
I don't know if I am going to resume the contact with him; I know I will constantly think about him once a while... When I feel sad and angry about not keeping him in my life, I will pray to God to take care of him. I will pray that God gives him hope, and God will give him a person who can gradually eliminate the pain in his eyes, and, the most importantly, God has already had him follow the words.
Monday, June 27, 2011
I Have to Wait
Finally, it's the end of June already. This summer flies by crazily fast. I have finished two out of four classes, which made my July seem so easy breezy:) LOve it love it~
my friends C and her husband B went back to visit yesterday, so they baby dog right now is probably weeping in my living room----if she is not having fun chewing my pillows, chairs and sofa...finger crossed! We kept her in the guest bathroom last night. It was heart breaking to see her sad face coming behind that door. Since it's always my husband who chased her there highly against her free will, now she seems to be scared and always tries to hide behind me or a piece of furniture when he is pointing to that scary and dark corner . Her little dog head probably thinks a subject covering her can probably eliminate her existence for a while. Poor dog! So, David and I decided to let her stay in the living room for today, and I will go back to check on her during my one hour lunch break. I was telling myself that she was a trustworty dog, and she has passed the age of chewing random stuff.... Let's hope my assumption is correct.
I realized in just a few days that dogs are very much like a child, they all fall under the category of "the sweet burden". I have been thinking about the small being for a whole morning. When I found out that I actually have an hour break, I was happy and releaved, but still had a thought of "seriously, do I really have to go back in such a hot weather by bus?" we are selfish in a lot of ways, and the best way to monitor the selfishness in our life is to either have a severely illed parent, or a high maintainness pet or a child. I have seen my own selfishness popping out due to the first two circumstances. He knows the best. He surely knows how to shape me and mold me. I have a general idea what the potter's hands are shaping me into, and I'd love to see the results, but if there is a way for me escape the process, I will do whatever I can to make it happen. Yet it won't happen that way. I have so many worldly desires that I want to keep... so many that it hurts when they are ripped off.
This is a season which is supposed to be relaxing, though my heart is very much full and heavy. I don't know what might be like in 40 minutes when I am standing in my living room; I don't know what it'll be like in a month; I really want to know, but the one-computer-screen distance makes every anxiety one person can possibly have very much in vain...
Guess I'll just have to wait.
my friends C and her husband B went back to visit yesterday, so they baby dog right now is probably weeping in my living room----if she is not having fun chewing my pillows, chairs and sofa...finger crossed! We kept her in the guest bathroom last night. It was heart breaking to see her sad face coming behind that door. Since it's always my husband who chased her there highly against her free will, now she seems to be scared and always tries to hide behind me or a piece of furniture when he is pointing to that scary and dark corner . Her little dog head probably thinks a subject covering her can probably eliminate her existence for a while. Poor dog! So, David and I decided to let her stay in the living room for today, and I will go back to check on her during my one hour lunch break. I was telling myself that she was a trustworty dog, and she has passed the age of chewing random stuff.... Let's hope my assumption is correct.
I realized in just a few days that dogs are very much like a child, they all fall under the category of "the sweet burden". I have been thinking about the small being for a whole morning. When I found out that I actually have an hour break, I was happy and releaved, but still had a thought of "seriously, do I really have to go back in such a hot weather by bus?" we are selfish in a lot of ways, and the best way to monitor the selfishness in our life is to either have a severely illed parent, or a high maintainness pet or a child. I have seen my own selfishness popping out due to the first two circumstances. He knows the best. He surely knows how to shape me and mold me. I have a general idea what the potter's hands are shaping me into, and I'd love to see the results, but if there is a way for me escape the process, I will do whatever I can to make it happen. Yet it won't happen that way. I have so many worldly desires that I want to keep... so many that it hurts when they are ripped off.
This is a season which is supposed to be relaxing, though my heart is very much full and heavy. I don't know what might be like in 40 minutes when I am standing in my living room; I don't know what it'll be like in a month; I really want to know, but the one-computer-screen distance makes every anxiety one person can possibly have very much in vain...
Guess I'll just have to wait.
Monday, June 13, 2011
Shower, ribs and life in general
It's Monday again. In the summer, I go to work at 7:45 am every Monday and Wednesday. I work for 4 hours, then go to class in 15 minutes. School has been going well. D said to me last night that you surely like summer semester, don't you! I guess I really do, not much into the getting-up-in-the-morning part though ...other than that, I think my summer has been great.
I have two courses ending around the 25th of this month, and I have finished all the assignments for the two classes already!! Now, just getting ready for the two midterms and one final by reading and googling. Not bad.
D and I are putting a baby shower together for a friend. We are both very excited. I have already had many crazy and impractical ideas about the party. But we know for sure we are going to make a super duper cute CCC and some yummy awesome DDD, and something else. Sorry for those capitlized letters. I'm trying to keep my mouth shut while I'm revealing my secrets :) If the budget allows, I really want to go to the Party City in Tiger Town for some cool and fun decors. We'll see.
Yesteday, B and C told me about their appointment with a specialist in East Alabama Medical Center for B's ribs. For the record, it was after church. so the whole atmosphere was still pretty biblical. Hearing the situation, I said: awwww... and then the real me kicked in, so I had to be truthful, so I said: ribs... barbecue ribs... Dramatically, an once-a-life-time phenomenon happened: I have never seen B's two eye brows transfer to one whole line so fast, along with super expanded nostrils. It all happened so fast that my American husband only grasped "排骨". He was amused that we were so happy and excited about 排骨, so he chuckled. After the drama, we showed curtesy to each other by waving goodbye peacefully. As usual, our drive home was nice... at least the first third of the road. Then, at the very beginning of the second thirds, D suddenly asked: is rib 排骨 ( he especially made very good up and down on the 骨 part.). I was puzzled and didn't know what that was from (duh!). I said: yeah... then he started laughing : B 的排骨... yeah, like I said before, my husband is a very happy fellow, he can double or tripple the happiniess, so he can chuckle all the time :) Love it love it~
I'm thinking about making some change around my living room. Going to Hobby Lobby for some floral ideas today after class. But guess, you guys don't care except my husband. Cool. Have a good day!
I have two courses ending around the 25th of this month, and I have finished all the assignments for the two classes already!! Now, just getting ready for the two midterms and one final by reading and googling. Not bad.
D and I are putting a baby shower together for a friend. We are both very excited. I have already had many crazy and impractical ideas about the party. But we know for sure we are going to make a super duper cute CCC and some yummy awesome DDD, and something else. Sorry for those capitlized letters. I'm trying to keep my mouth shut while I'm revealing my secrets :) If the budget allows, I really want to go to the Party City in Tiger Town for some cool and fun decors. We'll see.
Yesteday, B and C told me about their appointment with a specialist in East Alabama Medical Center for B's ribs. For the record, it was after church. so the whole atmosphere was still pretty biblical. Hearing the situation, I said: awwww... and then the real me kicked in, so I had to be truthful, so I said: ribs... barbecue ribs... Dramatically, an once-a-life-time phenomenon happened: I have never seen B's two eye brows transfer to one whole line so fast, along with super expanded nostrils. It all happened so fast that my American husband only grasped "排骨". He was amused that we were so happy and excited about 排骨, so he chuckled. After the drama, we showed curtesy to each other by waving goodbye peacefully. As usual, our drive home was nice... at least the first third of the road. Then, at the very beginning of the second thirds, D suddenly asked: is rib 排骨 ( he especially made very good up and down on the 骨 part.). I was puzzled and didn't know what that was from (duh!). I said: yeah... then he started laughing : B 的排骨... yeah, like I said before, my husband is a very happy fellow, he can double or tripple the happiniess, so he can chuckle all the time :) Love it love it~
I'm thinking about making some change around my living room. Going to Hobby Lobby for some floral ideas today after class. But guess, you guys don't care except my husband. Cool. Have a good day!
Friday, June 3, 2011
DISAGREE
Now it's summer semester. Things have been great, just don't really want to read my textbooks. they are just too boring. I haven't figured out how to pass my finals yet, and to be honest, I'm not very concerned. God is going to provide, right:)
I have been thinking about the "unconditional support". I'm wondering how much real love is actually in there. It appears so easy to be soft and warm to your friends, who are planning on doing something stupid or outrageous. When they sit across the coffee table, puring their heart out, we are supposed to show love and care through our eyes and gestures. Supposedly. The classic line is always: I will support you no matter what... I will always be there if you want to talk. Why can't we just tell them that they are indeed stupid and compulsive? I mean, we do tell our sisters, brothers, spouses, and even parents that, right? Why, suddenly, do we turn to be so harsh and cold? why so different from how you treat your friends?
My very rational yet extreme understanding is that we'd love to play "cool" in our life when cool and nice can work to increase the admiration and love from our social group, which miraculously feeds our own ego. We all know that we won't live with the consequences coming with our friends' decisions for long. We could choose to stay put for a while, then we could go ahead and say: I will always support you like I have always been, but you need to move on... is that the only thing you can talk about when you are with me? aren't there supposed to be more than that? .... Those cards play well all the time.
However, when we deal with family, we are so practical, real, mean (even) and truthful. We don't care shouting that we don't agree, because we know the ideas being discussed are stupid/ bad; we know if we failed to keep our stance, someone will be in trouble; we know that consequences are not joking; esp, we know very well that WE will be part of the consequences as well.
So which one is more of love?
People don't say it much, but they categorize their friends. At least, I do. I don't mind saying "I disagree" to the friends I care, and I wish I can say more.And, you do the same too.
Love y'all.
I have been thinking about the "unconditional support". I'm wondering how much real love is actually in there. It appears so easy to be soft and warm to your friends, who are planning on doing something stupid or outrageous. When they sit across the coffee table, puring their heart out, we are supposed to show love and care through our eyes and gestures. Supposedly. The classic line is always: I will support you no matter what... I will always be there if you want to talk. Why can't we just tell them that they are indeed stupid and compulsive? I mean, we do tell our sisters, brothers, spouses, and even parents that, right? Why, suddenly, do we turn to be so harsh and cold? why so different from how you treat your friends?
My very rational yet extreme understanding is that we'd love to play "cool" in our life when cool and nice can work to increase the admiration and love from our social group, which miraculously feeds our own ego. We all know that we won't live with the consequences coming with our friends' decisions for long. We could choose to stay put for a while, then we could go ahead and say: I will always support you like I have always been, but you need to move on... is that the only thing you can talk about when you are with me? aren't there supposed to be more than that? .... Those cards play well all the time.
However, when we deal with family, we are so practical, real, mean (even) and truthful. We don't care shouting that we don't agree, because we know the ideas being discussed are stupid/ bad; we know if we failed to keep our stance, someone will be in trouble; we know that consequences are not joking; esp, we know very well that WE will be part of the consequences as well.
So which one is more of love?
People don't say it much, but they categorize their friends. At least, I do. I don't mind saying "I disagree" to the friends I care, and I wish I can say more.And, you do the same too.
Love y'all.
Friday, May 13, 2011
Mao’s Last Dancer
I didn’t get to choose movies for last night, so when I showed up in the living room, the movie has already started. Apparently, marriage gives wisdom to a man. My husband has come to an understanding that he will never get his way (maybe sometimes) if he always played gentleman. Last night was a great presentation. Oddly, I didn’t complain either. David has been talking about watching this movie for a while, but I didn’t want to. Based on my impression and experience, I assumed that this movie was like any other movies mocking and humiliating the big leader in my country. Someone did make some smart comment on the big leader in this movie. Nothing major, he just simply twisted his last name into a cat’s yawn, which I think it is pretty funny.
This movie reminded me quite bit of China. I don’t watch too many Chinese movies or TV shows here, except some effort-less pop culture stuff. The little boy’s face brought me back to my time in elementary school. Of course, nothing was as harsh as his environment , but I still wore the little red triangle around my neck every day, and I sat by my desk in the classroom with my arms folded like this too
.
Such a small person with the firm belief and love for his country never had any idea that he would be given the chance to discover his own heart, most importantly, the opportunity to find his life and define himself as a person with free will! He went through unbearable turmoil for his decision, and his family back in the rural area in China certainly tasted the punishment of the “misplacement” of the priority of the country, even though they had nothing to do with it. He pursued his dream, and he peaked. According to the movie, his family was hanging there without complaining about his decisions. Finally, his parents got to come to Houston, TX to watch him dance. The moment he found that familiar face of his mother, he was stunned! He moved his eyes away because he didn’t believe it was true. It might be just the dreams he has been having for the past 14 years. However, he didn’t wake up this time, instead, the dream started to approach him. Closer and closer, he saw the two teared- up faces standing right there in front of him. The audience started to applaud. Claps and cheers were from everywhere. Our great ballet dancer got down on his knees, weeping silently. When the emotions were calmer, his dad asked sheepishly: why don’t you guys wear a bit more when dance? Can’t say I didn’t see that coming.
At end of the movie, he and his wife went back to the rural town. To please his mentor who was sent away because his non-communist understanding of art, they started to leap around dancing for them. It is just so great to see them clapping and laughing, probably the only one appreciating the lines and moves is his mentor. I love the scene, and I especially love the very last moment when they stop right there under the flag. the picture for that is this link http://www.imdb.com/media/rm2052948480/tt1071812
I’m not going to lie, there are a lot of people criticizing him being disloyal to his country, but I, along with many others, believe that only can ideal and loyalty be unified when the basic human respect is paid.
just have to put a picture of the real person.
Thursday, May 12, 2011
My Morning!
It has been a good day today. I literally spent the whole morning on the phone! I know I know, some of the smart aleck, who get to read this post, will probably say: well, isn't that what you do at your job? Well, that too. But the time I spent on the phone was way more fun than my routine; I got to talk to three friends for a long time! They seem to do pretty well for themselves. B's mom said she has prepared a 10-pound fish for me for the upcoming December!! I seriously doubt if David and I can put that lovely 10-pound thingy in our stomach, esp. you know, mine is just too small for that :) S is getting rich! He now has enough to make his house a home! According to him, he can't wait to move out of his parents' house. Do we care? Not really... but wait, the best of part of that is his house will be ready by December, which means David and I will get to stay with him for free! YEAH~ They can't wait for me to go back, and I seriously can't wait to go back to China either! Home, sweet home~ and
FOOD~~
I want to go to Texas for the weekend! A friend is graduating from law school, and the whole family is moving to Houston. My experience with this friend is quite interesting. I threw his computer on the ground in a train station, and I really cussed out loud right in his face. Later he said to me : 骂人是不对的！and I said: 你说的很对.
Gee, what a friendship!
I love my friends!
FOOD~~
I want to go to Texas for the weekend! A friend is graduating from law school, and the whole family is moving to Houston. My experience with this friend is quite interesting. I threw his computer on the ground in a train station, and I really cussed out loud right in his face. Later he said to me : 骂人是不对的！and I said: 你说的很对.
Gee, what a friendship!
I love my friends!
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)