Chitchat

I am officially done with my school at 8:35 this morning. I thought I would feel so crazily well, but guess what, I didn't scream or jump. I turned in my assignment, and walked out of Hayley Center. There was pre-summer breeze blowing away the hair on my face. It felt so light! The thought of not having school for over two weeks made me feel like the 50-calorie light beer in the commercial----LIGHT!
This is my first April in America. It has been a semi-creepy experience because of the "severe weather". Those tornadoes do not pull people's legs at all. The name is tornado, and once they come, they'll make sure things are torn 了都! There were a couple of times that I seriously felt my poor trailer will be blown up-side-down---God forbidden!
I have been having some allergies, and Peter is even worse. He came home last night with reddish eyes and nose. He just looked so pathetic. However, he is the sad one yet. David is officially down. He showed up in my kitchen with a pretty pitiful face last night, and started to have some temperature later that night. When we woke up this morning, he just sounded like talking in a very big bathroom once he started to talk to me (odd comparison--I know :)). So he decided to stay in bed today.
Hopefully, all these sickness can go away before Friday. I don't want Patrick to get sick while he is with us. Finger crossed! I really want to go with everybody to the gathering on Friday night, but I know I probably need to attend the honor society initiation on campus. Oh well, I will be with them and the baby for the whole weekend anyway. It's all good.
What should I do before summer semester start? umm.... meet with friends, eat, shop, take pictures, chat, sleep...  sounds good! I'm going to Marsh mellow to have lunch with a friend, and I think I will probably order hummus---- yummm!
I just finished talking to a guy on the phone, and I believe that he is drunk. Hilariously, he tried to imitate how I talked; e.g. how can I help you? and I will have to transfer you, OK? ....Funny but kind of creepy.
Alright, enough for chitchat for nothing. Love ya'll~

Cold Play

上次听他们的歌是在2008年，我刚结婚后，开始认真考虑停止工作，真的开始准备来美国的某个星期六。那天和今天一样，天气暗暗的，整个房子里只有我一个人。当CD开始在唱碟机里开始旋转，音乐出来的时候，我就只想躺在凉凉的地板上，看着天花板，回忆自己的青春。
Coldplay陪伴了我最迷茫的post-adolescence。那时的我狂妄也绝望。一头红发，一副大大的墨镜，加上一件蓝色的Northface登山服，旁若无人地暴走在不同的城市间。回想起那时的日子，印象最深刻的就是，当一辆吉普车冲进了北京秀水附近的星巴克咖啡厅时，我的眼睛随着车的方向，却看见了橱窗玻璃中的自己。那是一张洗得发白的印象。我的整张脸被太阳打在墨镜上的光映的看不清面目，一头长长的红头发在太阳下顾自的红，那蓝色的登山服也是狂妄的蓝着。那时的我没有归宿感。不知道家该怎么走。主也像是我在阳光下模糊的面孔，只是可能更加模糊些。
那时的我，工作只是长在自己背上的一颗青春痘，不小心挠到了才突然记起。碰巧那时管我们的一个老教授就像是我的奶奶，我迟到早退，她从来都是兵来将挡，水来土掩。我的那些学生们能够逮上我问一个问题，都是一个学年话题。记得有一个小男孩，很执着，所以我带他出去看了一场电影，据他说，从此他成了整个年级被讨论最多的人。呵呵，都不知道他还记不记得我。
那时23，4岁的我，在武汉待得时间真的是不长，星期五一到，我就一定是在车上，或在飞机场，那时的心很不安宁，我也不愿意一个人面对自己。我不知道圣经中说的peace是个什么概念，或者什么样的人做着什么样的事情才会让我觉得那就是peace的定义。主的grace对那时的我就像是一个传说，听说过，但从来没有尝过。现在想起来，才知道姐姐是很理解我的。她想帮助我逃避我不想面对的现实，即时那意味着她需要时时刻刻在病倒的妈妈身边。那时的我是软弱，不孝的。我不愿意让悲伤沉淀，所以我不停地走，不停地蔑视身边的人和事。这时我才知道，主那时在我的生命中放了很多很多的人，他们不断地给我主的grace，我只是不知道而已。很多的你们可能都不知道，2006年我是追着一个男孩子来了美国。那时我也是才和上一任分开没有4个月而已。因着补偿心理，因着他和我一样，长着一张很迷失的样子。结果我在美国碰到了David。
我一直都很喜欢Cold play。他们让我想我了以前的我，想起了Cosmopolitan,Marie Claire, 瑞丽，想起了Irish coffee. 也让我想起了我们家的那位，想起了姐姐，想起了主对我的安排。Yep, this is a beautiful world.

Trivial Pursue

Wow it has been a month since I blogged. A lot of things have happened. I wish I can have more time to blog, but school for this semester has been stressful and dreadful. Hopefully, it'll get better in the summer...but so far, all the rumors I've heard about summer semester have nothing to do with "better". Oh, well, I'm in school---enough said.
Now let me fill you in with what have happened in the past month.

1. I have some lumps growing at the left side of my neck, and they turned out to be thyroid multiple nodular caused by Hypothyroidism. Not cool. Now I'm on medication. I will get a blood work done in 2 more weeks to see if TSH and T4 have been behaving better. However, the fatigue and memory loss coming alone with this bull dog have me dragging quite a bit. Again, NOT COOL.

2. I hate the diagnosis class. Sometimes I do love it, but when my memory is not helping much, and my energy level is not good enough for what this stupid course demands, sorry, gal, I hate you alright. Just for the record, I'm not going to get 4.0 this semester because of this course.Sign~

3. I got seriously belittled by a mid-easterner at work. He called in in my working hour, and educated me not to call the student ID the banner ID; he also complained that American government didn't care about him; he decided that Financial policy needed reformation because he can't get a monthly stipend based on the current one; he criticized my English because he can't stand accented language;what's worse, he basically told me not to behave like me knowing more than he does, simply because I'm a woman. However, there are some facts you have to know about this person. First, his name is Houssein, the same as the dead dictater in Iraq---Ha, what a coincidence; Second, he is not an American citizen yet, he is here with a Green Card, and yet he complains about the government which is not even his; Third, stipend is only available for the graduate students with assistantship, since you act so smart, how come you, Mr. Big, can't get one with the stipend you want?; Fourth, Gee, his accent is even worse than mine---oh my Gosh!!; The last but not the least, he made me cry, so I'm going to talk you head off Mr!

4. The package I sent back to China to my Dad arrived yesterday. So my sister is all enthusiastic about making the tea and pouring down my Dad's throat, and praying that it'll work on him. So let's all pray together for him, my friends.

5. I had my interview for my practicum and internship. However, the site I did my interview with is too popular. It only offers 3 spots, but there are 5 of us waiting. FYI, other sites basically accept you if they interview you, no suspension whatsoever. Finger-crossed friends, pray hard!

6. David is at the retreat right now. He will be there till Sunday night. Peter is leaving tomorrow (Friday) to his orientation for his summer job. Oh boy, home alone~not gonna lie, I miss my husband already!

7. My friend, Carolyn, is pregnant with her second baby. Yah for Patrick. So he doesn't have to play with his boring Daddy all the time anymore :)

8. I went shopping. I love shopping! I wish I can go to do more shopping real soon~ I wish my shoes will still be there waiting for me to bring them home!

9. I went to see a dentist. Dental care is so expensive in America. And, big news, my dear friends, I have THREE cavities! Darn it...

10. I had Rachel and Sarah down in Auburn for a weekend, and we shared a bed for two nights, which was a lot of fun. I love my sisters-in-law!

Well, I think I have pretty much updated what happened in the past month. Read happily my friends, and have a blessed and joyful weekend! Love and hugs!

As a New Immigrant

I really thought about writing in Chinese, but I don't know why it seems harder and harder for me to come up with stuff to say when I'm trying to organize everything in Chinese. It is so pathetic. My English is still a mess, yet I'm losing my ability of writing in Chinese at the same time. It does remind me of a name of a movie, which is No Country For Old Men. Sometimes I feel confused about my standing, in bad days, the so-called "cross-cultural" will be worsened so much that it almost feels like ostracism. I don't know which country is more a home or a sense of security. In times like this, I will start wondering if it will be better for me to make a once-for-all change. Yet almost immediately, I will realize how stupid it is for me to attempt to change something purely psychological by swapping a passport. So I would just say "no country for Grace" under my breath, then chuckle quietly. 

In an nutshell, it is hard to be a new immigrant. There are so many variables coming with moving from a more familiar place to a new environment. If you move from a more developed and richer location to a less expensive and less developed area, you wouldn't be financially stressed out, but still you will be concerned about the sanitary standard, the food, and the local security, as you can tell, enough to create some mental stress. However, indisputably, there is going to be way more stress the other way around.

Finance will be the first. Last year, it was tight for me, and our situation made me miss my home country quite a bit. But, you know what, I was not alone. Human beings can somehow always find a way to make their life better. I laughed really hard when I heard one lady went to dumpsters in her city to pick out abandoned furniture daily and sent them to local thrift stores, so that she can accumulate enough to reduce the tax her husband had to pay. I remember I shook my head and said "unbelievable"; some people couldn't afford to pay for the expense for keeping pets in their apartments, they simply chose to hide their pets in their apartments, and only took those poor creatures out for a walk when the apt manager was out; some of the business owners decided to hire illegally for cheaper costs, and there were always people willing to do so because they needed the money;... yes news of such is plenty, and news of such has permanently formed numerous reputation, assumption and impression. 

I feel sad and I blush. But I think I understand it a little bit more these days than before. An article I read before helped me very much. It said the reason our people or people from mainland were more aggressive was that there was lack of sense of security already even they were back in their homeland, so they had to be aggressive to keep what they had or what they deserved to have. So here is a good question: how would they feel once moving to a totally new environment where they are not the majority or priority anymore?

Of course, this is not an excuse for why they behave this way or what they have done.

 It is time to file tax again. I have heard from some of the students regarding how much money they got back from American government this year, and comments on that as well. These comments are: Of course I need to get this much back, the dumb American in my lab, so dumb, he got even more than I did; or, Of course they need to give me more back…I’m so poor; etc.

My point is when people feel insecure and out-of-place, all they can think of is to satisfy their own desire by any means. They will be aggressive, rude and inconsiderate. Plus, it is definitely not helping at all if the environment is totally ignorant about the new immigrants. I got one person asking me if we still use coal to keep warm and cook the other day.

Yes there are reasons to explain their behaviors. But that does not say it is OK for them to behave this way. We can pray, and God can change everything. Of course, we can always start from ourselves. We are the image of our own country. It always takes only one at a time to make a huge difference.  

The Music I liked since I was in College

This one is my all-time favorite, but because it is really old, I can't find the original version. Still, it touches me.

Such and Such

        I posted a blog two days ago, and some of my friends are disturbed. Some of them checked in with me through messages, and some, to be more specific, D hollered at me to get on facebook. She sent me a message through Live Chat with the intention of initiating a date with me, which I think is sweet; yet, 11/2 seconds later, she quoted "I would, once a while,  doubt the friendship or how much they actually need me in their life if I have to initiate most of the get-together/ activities most of the time." in her following message. Reading the message, I thought to myself that it looked awfully familiar, then I realized it was straight out of my own blog! "Oh my Gosh!" was my first reaction, then the second one was "ha guilt-driven works!"
         To be frank, I felt bad to have my friends all worked up, but I was happy (please forgive me!) that they cared! Well, just so you know that I'm totally fine. Everybody has some off color thoughts even just for half a second. I know I do. Since I'll keep you guys around for a life time, I'd better be honest with how I feel, right? Alrighty, enought for that.
         Let's talk about something fun. I received a phone call today in the office. A mother tried to figure out how much her daughter, a senior in AU, was going to get for the upcoming Fall. First of all, it was a stupid question---she'll get the same amount of money as this semester and last semester, and she was informed! Somehow, she thought SHE calling would make a difference----see, another Grandiose Type of Psychotic Disorder (don't laugh Peter.); Second, she was unpleased because she was told that her precious little girl was not given anymore funding, though she thought that girl was OUTSTANDING (go get scholarship then.. duh!); Third, she asked me what an aggregate loan was, and I was puzzled, since it was my first time to hear this term. Then I want to our school webpage where she claimed seeing the loan, here is the link, please check it out! Stroll down to the middle session of the screen.    http://www.auburn.edu/administration/business_office/finaid/types-of-aid/loans.html
       I was floored! I tried to tell her it was not a new loan at all, I even thought about defining what aggregate was in English or,rather, Southern for her. Yet, guess what she said? She said: I want to talk to someone who knows more, you don't seem to know much. This morning, I was tormented by reading Cyclothymic Disorder, Bipolar with melancholic features, with seasonal pattern and so on and so forth. When she called,  I was in the mood of, either, diagnosing someone, or screaming out some words usually bleeped out by TV censor. So I simply said "yes ma'm", and put her on hold, and yelled out: there is a crazy on the phone, who wants her?, then put her off the hold, with a nice and courteous tone of voice, I said: Ma'm you are on the line with .... Done.
       You know what, I'm not surprised at all to see why in the world that senior girl can't get a scholarship. It's pure genetic, isn't it?
        Enough venting, don't think I'm a bad person. Love y'all~

the end of February

     It does seem like I have given up on blogging... well, sorry about that.
     I guess I have to be burden-free in a way to be able to write. Writing for me is a leisure, which I enjoy while I feel relaxed. I used to keep a journal throughout all the years, then I stopped after I got married. Probably communicating with my dear husband is too exhausting----which, David, you know it's not true :)
     There has been a lot of stuff going on after my previous blog. I began to form a more clearly picture God made for me. He is asking BIG from me, and of course, David as well. I'm not going to lie, I do feel stressed out. Lat week, I would go to bed around 10, and still feel so tired and depressed when I woke up around 7:30 in the morning. Nothing was refreshing enough. Indisputably, I can easily become the next Qiongyao crying star if I had the access to that dramatic writer and couldn't care less how stupid I would be.
     But, hey, I'm blogging again, am I? So life hasn't been too bad. I went to Dillard's the other day. One thing so so great about America is that they have sales all the time. No joking! So I went there to shop. I got a belt, and I wore it to church the past Sunday morning---of course, with other clothing as well :) I think it's pretty. Even though none of my friends mentioned it... stinkers.
     Some of you might've known this already---I'm applying an assistantship. It'll be nice to get the tuition covered and paid monthly as well. To be honest with you guys, I have never felt I needed money so much, not even last year when we just moved to America. So whoever gets to read this, please pray for me.
     Friends have always been a huge part of me. But sometimes they do break my heart. I would, once a while,  doubt the friendship or how much they actually need me in their life if I have to initiate most of the get-together/ activities most of the time. Guess I feel insecure. But I'm more than happy with my choice of friends, and I'm more than certain the friends I have right now are going to be the friends of a life time.