Wow it has been a month since I blogged. A lot of things have happened. I wish I can have more time to blog, but school for this semester has been stressful and dreadful. Hopefully, it'll get better in the summer...but so far, all the rumors I've heard about summer semester have nothing to do with "better". Oh, well, I'm in school---enough said.
Now let me fill you in with what have happened in the past month.
1. I have some lumps growing at the left side of my neck, and they turned out to be thyroid multiple nodular caused by Hypothyroidism. Not cool. Now I'm on medication. I will get a blood work done in 2 more weeks to see if TSH and T4 have been behaving better. However, the fatigue and memory loss coming alone with this bull dog have me dragging quite a bit. Again, NOT COOL.
2. I hate the diagnosis class. Sometimes I do love it, but when my memory is not helping much, and my energy level is not good enough for what this stupid course demands, sorry, gal, I hate you alright. Just for the record, I'm not going to get 4.0 this semester because of this course.Sign~
3. I got seriously belittled by a mid-easterner at work. He called in in my working hour, and educated me not to call the student ID the banner ID; he also complained that American government didn't care about him; he decided that Financial policy needed reformation because he can't get a monthly stipend based on the current one; he criticized my English because he can't stand accented language;what's worse, he basically told me not to behave like me knowing more than he does, simply because I'm a woman. However, there are some facts you have to know about this person. First, his name is Houssein, the same as the dead dictater in Iraq---Ha, what a coincidence; Second, he is not an American citizen yet, he is here with a Green Card, and yet he complains about the government which is not even his; Third, stipend is only available for the graduate students with assistantship, since you act so smart, how come you, Mr. Big, can't get one with the stipend you want?; Fourth, Gee, his accent is even worse than mine---oh my Gosh!!; The last but not the least, he made me cry, so I'm going to talk you head off Mr!
4. The package I sent back to China to my Dad arrived yesterday. So my sister is all enthusiastic about making the tea and pouring down my Dad's throat, and praying that it'll work on him. So let's all pray together for him, my friends.
5. I had my interview for my practicum and internship. However, the site I did my interview with is too popular. It only offers 3 spots, but there are 5 of us waiting. FYI, other sites basically accept you if they interview you, no suspension whatsoever. Finger-crossed friends, pray hard!
6. David is at the retreat right now. He will be there till Sunday night. Peter is leaving tomorrow (Friday) to his orientation for his summer job. Oh boy, home alone~not gonna lie, I miss my husband already!
7. My friend, Carolyn, is pregnant with her second baby. Yah for Patrick. So he doesn't have to play with his boring Daddy all the time anymore :)
8. I went shopping. I love shopping! I wish I can go to do more shopping real soon~ I wish my shoes will still be there waiting for me to bring them home!
9. I went to see a dentist. Dental care is so expensive in America. And, big news, my dear friends, I have THREE cavities! Darn it...
10. I had Rachel and Sarah down in Auburn for a weekend, and we shared a bed for two nights, which was a lot of fun. I love my sisters-in-law!
Well, I think I have pretty much updated what happened in the past month. Read happily my friends, and have a blessed and joyful weekend! Love and hugs!
Thursday, April 7, 2011
Wednesday, March 9, 2011
As a New Immigrant
I really thought about writing in Chinese, but I don't know why it seems harder and harder for me to come up with stuff to say when I'm trying to organize everything in Chinese. It is so pathetic. My English is still a mess, yet I'm losing my ability of writing in Chinese at the same time. It does remind me of a name of a movie, which is No Country For Old Men. Sometimes I feel confused about my standing, in bad days, the so-called "cross-cultural" will be worsened so much that it almost feels like ostracism. I don't know which country is more a home or a sense of security. In times like this, I will start wondering if it will be better for me to make a once-for-all change. Yet almost immediately, I will realize how stupid it is for me to attempt to change something purely psychological by swapping a passport. So I would just say "no country for Grace" under my breath, then chuckle quietly.
In an nutshell, it is hard to be a new immigrant. There are so many variables coming with moving from a more familiar place to a new environment. If you move from a more developed and richer location to a less expensive and less developed area, you wouldn't be financially stressed out, but still you will be concerned about the sanitary standard, the food, and the local security, as you can tell, enough to create some mental stress. However, indisputably, there is going to be way more stress the other way around.
Finance will be the first. Last year, it was tight for me, and our situation made me miss my home country quite a bit. But, you know what, I was not alone. Human beings can somehow always find a way to make their life better. I laughed really hard when I heard one lady went to dumpsters in her city to pick out abandoned furniture daily and sent them to local thrift stores, so that she can accumulate enough to reduce the tax her husband had to pay. I remember I shook my head and said "unbelievable"; some people couldn't afford to pay for the expense for keeping pets in their apartments, they simply chose to hide their pets in their apartments, and only took those poor creatures out for a walk when the apt manager was out; some of the business owners decided to hire illegally for cheaper costs, and there were always people willing to do so because they needed the money;... yes news of such is plenty, and news of such has permanently formed numerous reputation, assumption and impression.
I feel sad and I blush. But I think I understand it a little bit more these days than before. An article I read before helped me very much. It said the reason our people or people from mainland were more aggressive was that there was lack of sense of security already even they were back in their homeland, so they had to be aggressive to keep what they had or what they deserved to have. So here is a good question: how would they feel once moving to a totally new environment where they are not the majority or priority anymore?
Of course, this is not an excuse for why they behave this way or what they have done.
It is time to file tax again. I have heard from some of the students regarding how much money they got back from American government this year, and comments on that as well. These comments are: Of course I need to get this much back, the dumb American in my lab, so dumb, he got even more than I did; or, Of course they need to give me more back…I’m so poor; etc.
My point is when people feel insecure and out-of-place, all they can think of is to satisfy their own desire by any means. They will be aggressive, rude and inconsiderate. Plus, it is definitely not helping at all if the environment is totally ignorant about the new immigrants. I got one person asking me if we still use coal to keep warm and cook the other day.
Yes there are reasons to explain their behaviors. But that does not say it is OK for them to behave this way. We can pray, and God can change everything. Of course, we can always start from ourselves. We are the image of our own country. It always takes only one at a time to make a huge difference.
Thursday, March 3, 2011
The Music I liked since I was in College
This one is my all-time favorite, but because it is really old, I can't find the original version. Still, it touches me.
Tuesday, March 1, 2011
Such and Such
I posted a blog two days ago, and some of my friends are disturbed. Some of them checked in with me through messages, and some, to be more specific, D hollered at me to get on facebook. She sent me a message through Live Chat with the intention of initiating a date with me, which I think is sweet; yet, 11/2 seconds later, she quoted "I would, once a while, doubt the friendship or how much they actually need me in their life if I have to initiate most of the get-together/ activities most of the time." in her following message. Reading the message, I thought to myself that it looked awfully familiar, then I realized it was straight out of my own blog! "Oh my Gosh!" was my first reaction, then the second one was "ha guilt-driven works!"
To be frank, I felt bad to have my friends all worked up, but I was happy (please forgive me!) that they cared! Well, just so you know that I'm totally fine. Everybody has some off color thoughts even just for half a second. I know I do. Since I'll keep you guys around for a life time, I'd better be honest with how I feel, right? Alrighty, enought for that.
Let's talk about something fun. I received a phone call today in the office. A mother tried to figure out how much her daughter, a senior in AU, was going to get for the upcoming Fall. First of all, it was a stupid question---she'll get the same amount of money as this semester and last semester, and she was informed! Somehow, she thought SHE calling would make a difference----see, another Grandiose Type of Psychotic Disorder (don't laugh Peter.); Second, she was unpleased because she was told that her precious little girl was not given anymore funding, though she thought that girl was OUTSTANDING (go get scholarship then.. duh!); Third, she asked me what an aggregate loan was, and I was puzzled, since it was my first time to hear this term. Then I want to our school webpage where she claimed seeing the loan, here is the link, please check it out! Stroll down to the middle session of the screen. http://www.auburn.edu/administration/business_office/finaid/types-of-aid/loans.html
I was floored! I tried to tell her it was not a new loan at all, I even thought about defining what aggregate was in English or,rather, Southern for her. Yet, guess what she said? She said: I want to talk to someone who knows more, you don't seem to know much. This morning, I was tormented by reading Cyclothymic Disorder, Bipolar with melancholic features, with seasonal pattern and so on and so forth. When she called, I was in the mood of, either, diagnosing someone, or screaming out some words usually bleeped out by TV censor. So I simply said "yes ma'm", and put her on hold, and yelled out: there is a crazy on the phone, who wants her?, then put her off the hold, with a nice and courteous tone of voice, I said: Ma'm you are on the line with .... Done.
You know what, I'm not surprised at all to see why in the world that senior girl can't get a scholarship. It's pure genetic, isn't it?
Enough venting, don't think I'm a bad person. Love y'all~
To be frank, I felt bad to have my friends all worked up, but I was happy (please forgive me!) that they cared! Well, just so you know that I'm totally fine. Everybody has some off color thoughts even just for half a second. I know I do. Since I'll keep you guys around for a life time, I'd better be honest with how I feel, right? Alrighty, enought for that.
Let's talk about something fun. I received a phone call today in the office. A mother tried to figure out how much her daughter, a senior in AU, was going to get for the upcoming Fall. First of all, it was a stupid question---she'll get the same amount of money as this semester and last semester, and she was informed! Somehow, she thought SHE calling would make a difference----see, another Grandiose Type of Psychotic Disorder (don't laugh Peter.); Second, she was unpleased because she was told that her precious little girl was not given anymore funding, though she thought that girl was OUTSTANDING (go get scholarship then.. duh!); Third, she asked me what an aggregate loan was, and I was puzzled, since it was my first time to hear this term. Then I want to our school webpage where she claimed seeing the loan, here is the link, please check it out! Stroll down to the middle session of the screen. http://www.auburn.edu/administration/business_office/finaid/types-of-aid/loans.html
I was floored! I tried to tell her it was not a new loan at all, I even thought about defining what aggregate was in English or,rather, Southern for her. Yet, guess what she said? She said: I want to talk to someone who knows more, you don't seem to know much. This morning, I was tormented by reading Cyclothymic Disorder, Bipolar with melancholic features, with seasonal pattern and so on and so forth. When she called, I was in the mood of, either, diagnosing someone, or screaming out some words usually bleeped out by TV censor. So I simply said "yes ma'm", and put her on hold, and yelled out: there is a crazy on the phone, who wants her?, then put her off the hold, with a nice and courteous tone of voice, I said: Ma'm you are on the line with .... Done.
You know what, I'm not surprised at all to see why in the world that senior girl can't get a scholarship. It's pure genetic, isn't it?
Enough venting, don't think I'm a bad person. Love y'all~
Monday, February 28, 2011
the end of February
It does seem like I have given up on blogging... well, sorry about that.
I guess I have to be burden-free in a way to be able to write. Writing for me is a leisure, which I enjoy while I feel relaxed. I used to keep a journal throughout all the years, then I stopped after I got married. Probably communicating with my dear husband is too exhausting----which, David, you know it's not true :)
There has been a lot of stuff going on after my previous blog. I began to form a more clearly picture God made for me. He is asking BIG from me, and of course, David as well. I'm not going to lie, I do feel stressed out. Lat week, I would go to bed around 10, and still feel so tired and depressed when I woke up around 7:30 in the morning. Nothing was refreshing enough. Indisputably, I can easily become the next Qiongyao crying star if I had the access to that dramatic writer and couldn't care less how stupid I would be.
But, hey, I'm blogging again, am I? So life hasn't been too bad. I went to Dillard's the other day. One thing so so great about America is that they have sales all the time. No joking! So I went there to shop. I got a belt, and I wore it to church the past Sunday morning---of course, with other clothing as well :) I think it's pretty. Even though none of my friends mentioned it... stinkers.
Some of you might've known this already---I'm applying an assistantship. It'll be nice to get the tuition covered and paid monthly as well. To be honest with you guys, I have never felt I needed money so much, not even last year when we just moved to America. So whoever gets to read this, please pray for me.
Friends have always been a huge part of me. But sometimes they do break my heart. I would, once a while, doubt the friendship or how much they actually need me in their life if I have to initiate most of the get-together/ activities most of the time. Guess I feel insecure. But I'm more than happy with my choice of friends, and I'm more than certain the friends I have right now are going to be the friends of a life time.
I guess I have to be burden-free in a way to be able to write. Writing for me is a leisure, which I enjoy while I feel relaxed. I used to keep a journal throughout all the years, then I stopped after I got married. Probably communicating with my dear husband is too exhausting----which, David, you know it's not true :)
There has been a lot of stuff going on after my previous blog. I began to form a more clearly picture God made for me. He is asking BIG from me, and of course, David as well. I'm not going to lie, I do feel stressed out. Lat week, I would go to bed around 10, and still feel so tired and depressed when I woke up around 7:30 in the morning. Nothing was refreshing enough. Indisputably, I can easily become the next Qiongyao crying star if I had the access to that dramatic writer and couldn't care less how stupid I would be.
But, hey, I'm blogging again, am I? So life hasn't been too bad. I went to Dillard's the other day. One thing so so great about America is that they have sales all the time. No joking! So I went there to shop. I got a belt, and I wore it to church the past Sunday morning---of course, with other clothing as well :) I think it's pretty. Even though none of my friends mentioned it... stinkers.
Some of you might've known this already---I'm applying an assistantship. It'll be nice to get the tuition covered and paid monthly as well. To be honest with you guys, I have never felt I needed money so much, not even last year when we just moved to America. So whoever gets to read this, please pray for me.
Friends have always been a huge part of me. But sometimes they do break my heart. I would, once a while, doubt the friendship or how much they actually need me in their life if I have to initiate most of the get-together/ activities most of the time. Guess I feel insecure. But I'm more than happy with my choice of friends, and I'm more than certain the friends I have right now are going to be the friends of a life time.
Tuesday, February 15, 2011
Just in case some of you thought I've abandoned my site ...
It has been a while since my previous post. I thought about posting a Chinese one, but I just happened to have time in the office.Oh well.
Life has been busy. I found myself spending a lot of time reading my diagnosis textbook this semester, because my professor insist in giving quiz every week, and I'm going to take it in one hour and 15 minutes. I don't know why I'm feeling hectic right now. Probably because I know I want to finish this post as soon as possible, but at the same time, I'm afraid it might turn into something meaningless.
I haven't given too much thinking on assistantship since I started school, but it got me wired up to this direction since Sunday. I prayed for it these days as well, I believe it is an opportunity God gives to me, and now it totally depends on if I'm going to work on it. Unfortuately, I was told by my husband a plan made by our acquaintences, and I was shocked. Even though I knew the plan probably won't get carried out, still it stirred up quite bit dirt. The past few days, when I woke up in the morning, somehow my mind would kind of ponder around that idea for a second or so, then I would hear myself signing. Isn't it amzing to see what an impact someone might have on your life? or pathetic?
When I was on the bus this morning coming to campus, I prayed about it looking at trees and buildings by the said of the road. He knows what I think, what I want and what I fear. He seems so much more reliable and inviting when your hands and feet are tied up. Fearless.
Life has been busy. I found myself spending a lot of time reading my diagnosis textbook this semester, because my professor insist in giving quiz every week, and I'm going to take it in one hour and 15 minutes. I don't know why I'm feeling hectic right now. Probably because I know I want to finish this post as soon as possible, but at the same time, I'm afraid it might turn into something meaningless.
I haven't given too much thinking on assistantship since I started school, but it got me wired up to this direction since Sunday. I prayed for it these days as well, I believe it is an opportunity God gives to me, and now it totally depends on if I'm going to work on it. Unfortuately, I was told by my husband a plan made by our acquaintences, and I was shocked. Even though I knew the plan probably won't get carried out, still it stirred up quite bit dirt. The past few days, when I woke up in the morning, somehow my mind would kind of ponder around that idea for a second or so, then I would hear myself signing. Isn't it amzing to see what an impact someone might have on your life? or pathetic?
When I was on the bus this morning coming to campus, I prayed about it looking at trees and buildings by the said of the road. He knows what I think, what I want and what I fear. He seems so much more reliable and inviting when your hands and feet are tied up. Fearless.
Wednesday, February 2, 2011
Happy New Year.. I guess
It is the Chinese New Year Eve today in America. So I called several people back in China after I sat down in the office this morning. It was all good, but I think I'm a little bit homesick right now.
I feel hurt by my sister. She is a very nice person, yet she'll turn into a cold and indifferent creature if she is dissatisflied with me. I called her this morning too to wish her a happy new year, hoping to get a warm and cozy feeling from her since it is the special season of this year, and she is my sister. The phone call was simple and short. I asked, she answered; I said "happy new year, and wish you'll have a good one", she said "en.."; I paused, thinking she might remember what she could've/ should've said to me, none came through from the other end of the line.
So that was pretty much it. I said goodbye; I hang up the phone.
I sincerely feel the loneliest season for me is always those speical Chinese holidays since I moved to America. No matter how many friends I might seem having, every langh and joy just somehow fades away gradually in those few days throughout a year. In those few days, I don't feel at home here, I feel lonely even though David is with me every step of the way.
When I was younger, I didn't realized one day I would feel what my mom or other older people used to feel. I thought I would be just fine by myself. Now, I have God, and I have a great husband, yet I still feel the sadness and uncertainty, how about those without either?
Luckie(a dog) and I are very much alike. We both like meeting a lot of people at one time, the subcortical centre somehow senses and sends out the excitement of fun; we both like going out, the unpredictable fun is way too inviting. She probably feels pretty lonely and meybe even sad in the dog's holidays, if they actually have any. I don't like to indulge and appreciate the aroma and happiness from memories, because comparison hurts the moment, and I want to be in the moment.
when I first started typing this blog, I thought it was going to be a sad one, but now... I don't even know what it's turned out. Sorry folks. Happy New Year people, and don't have too much fun.
I feel hurt by my sister. She is a very nice person, yet she'll turn into a cold and indifferent creature if she is dissatisflied with me. I called her this morning too to wish her a happy new year, hoping to get a warm and cozy feeling from her since it is the special season of this year, and she is my sister. The phone call was simple and short. I asked, she answered; I said "happy new year, and wish you'll have a good one", she said "en.."; I paused, thinking she might remember what she could've/ should've said to me, none came through from the other end of the line.
So that was pretty much it. I said goodbye; I hang up the phone.
I sincerely feel the loneliest season for me is always those speical Chinese holidays since I moved to America. No matter how many friends I might seem having, every langh and joy just somehow fades away gradually in those few days throughout a year. In those few days, I don't feel at home here, I feel lonely even though David is with me every step of the way.
When I was younger, I didn't realized one day I would feel what my mom or other older people used to feel. I thought I would be just fine by myself. Now, I have God, and I have a great husband, yet I still feel the sadness and uncertainty, how about those without either?
Luckie(a dog) and I are very much alike. We both like meeting a lot of people at one time, the subcortical centre somehow senses and sends out the excitement of fun; we both like going out, the unpredictable fun is way too inviting. She probably feels pretty lonely and meybe even sad in the dog's holidays, if they actually have any. I don't like to indulge and appreciate the aroma and happiness from memories, because comparison hurts the moment, and I want to be in the moment.
when I first started typing this blog, I thought it was going to be a sad one, but now... I don't even know what it's turned out. Sorry folks. Happy New Year people, and don't have too much fun.
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