Hurt

      Hurt 

           Johnny Cash
I hurt myself today
to see if I still feel
I focus on the pain
the only thing that's real
the needle tears a hole
the old familiar sting
try to kill it all away
but I remember everything
what have I become?
my sweetest friend
everyone I know
goes away in the end
and you could have it all
my empire of dirt

I will let you down
I will make you hurt

I wear this crown of thorns
upon my liar's chair
full of broken thoughts
I cannot repair
beneath the stains of time
the feelings disappear
you are someone else
I am still right here

what have I become?
my sweetest friend
everyone I know
goes away in the end
and you could have it all
my empire of dirt

I will let you down
I will make you hurt

if I could start again
a million miles away
I would keep myself
I would find a way 




      I found myself crying when I was watching this video. I could've chosen to press down my emotion, and kept the superficial calmness , even though the storm deep down was drowning me. I chose to cry. It is sad to see someone burning out his whole life creating pain for everybody, and then realize all the pain is actually his. It is really sad to see myself and many others guarding the "empire of dirt" even at the cost of others. 
     I know most of people will cheer over someone's late repentance. Assumably, they will feel the most wonderful peace they've been seeking all those years and still yet not to be found until the moment. But how about the pain of knowing the facts?how about the struggles of accepting the despicable self? Is ignorance a true blessing? I dare not to carry on my thoughts.
     I have pretty good imagination, which is a curse sometimes. I can see him repeating what Johnny Cash sings in his song on his knees, hurting and heartbreaking, yet I look away.