BLOGGED BLOGGED BLOGGED!!!!

yup, again, it has almost been a month since I blogged.
Well, I don't really think anybody is anxious to read my blog anyway :)
It has been a busy semester, yet it has been a good one too.

1. I find myself seeking for more working hours than beofre. When I started my job in the office in 2010, I would always tried not to work too many hours, though I was paid for doing more. Don't get me wrong, we needed the money, but somehow, it was not on the top of my list. This year has been different. Yes we can still use more money, but at the same time,there is responsibility that I need to attend to. Truth #1 for Grace: Financial insufficience is not the driven power for humanbeings to work hard but the sense of responsibility.

2. I am also working as a RA this semester. I thought I wouldn't like research, but surprisingly, I am loving every second of it. the goal of our team is to publish one paper before I graduate, and I will be listed as the 3rd auther<3 The first two are for the professors in my department. it has been involving tons of reading, which I havent done any the past weekend... better catch up :)

3. Church!!!!!!!! soo unorganized!! I understand it is a Chinese bible group, so it does make sense to run it in a Chinese manner... but since the big enviornment (America) gives less flexibility to the elements (people) in this group, the very Chinese/ dominant/ demanding methods might not work as well when leaders are trying to organize and administrate the people who are so wrapped in daily American life. Some more preparation time might be good (since everybody is busy with their school and job, advanced notification will probably work better than a week prior to the event.); some more democracy will be awesome!!! Please just quit telling people that they WILL do it. Play more tactfully will probably gain some brownie points in various ways; Talk to others first or even build a "team" for discussion rather than just coming out with what YOU wanna do or that YOU have been touched so WE have to do it.

4. We had our third year anniversary this month too. It was all good. we went out to eat, and were given a fantastic gift by friends. now that perfect gift is sitting pretty on my deck :) happy!

5. We have dicided to prepare for our first baby. So prayers for conception and healthy baby will be deeply appriciated and needed.

6. Recently, there has been ton of people getting sick or having challenges in their life. Friends, let's all try to take good care of ourselves. The body and the health are the treasure God gives to us, please dont take them lightly. Take care of them and love youself more!

7. I made lots of pickeled spicy peppers last saturday. and I made some ultra spicy shui zhu yu last night!! Gee, it was spicy but really really good! Speaking of food, I will be going back to China to visit in 2 months!!!!!!! excited!! of course, if the whole situation about my father stays the same. Uncertainties uncertainties!! gotta love those.

8. I'm supposed to ready 5 chapters today beofore I go to my afternoon class at 1pm. ummm... haven't started yet, and it's 10:47 already. Geeeeeeeeeeee

9. Love you all, study hard and have a great monday <3

A-HA!

It has been ... like 2 months ... almost since my previous post. Yup it has been busy for sure. It feels like that I moved from Spring with a full schedule, to summer with a tight schedule, and all the way straight to the Fall with a fuller and tighter schedule. My instructor from my practicum said she felt tired just by looking at my schedule for this semester, and she was like Grace it is sad, very sad when I told her that I had no idea what I should do during the an hour and fifteen minutes break I have on my tuesdays, since I only have 15 minutes on any other days in the week to move from office to classrooms...I laughed out loud. Oh well, I think it is probably better for me to be busy now, at least, I won't have time to think too much (hopefully).

I had some a-ha moments in the past few months. I realized again that I, and, most likely, everybody, tend to miss the faces they can't see anymore. When they are still around, it is no big deal to not to see them. I know it's all old and cliche, but I do feel sad and guilty that I am so powerless to even change my own attitude. I know I will regret in the future no matter what. I know there will be a soft and hollow part deep down in my heart that is gonna hurt badly.
another one is that I stepped back to the trap I stepped in when I was younger...thought I have learned the lessons...guess people don't get smarter even though they might be approaching 30. I don't know when I will be able to get over it... but sometimes I just need to let it go.
I was manipulated again. that person's agenda never failed to work on me, it is like spell. What the ... yup a gigantic aha moment right there. and you know what, I am done playing with you.
I started my practicum. it has been good. but I was dumb enough to believe that she actually diligently asked for my advice. and I was naive enough to open my mouth... so I ended up getting some dirty stares... oh well, lesson learned... guess the so-called Chinese office politics work everywhere in the world: new bees be dumb( :) got it?)

Alright. The End.

It's A Bad Word

It has been bothering me for quite a long time, and I just have to share it here.

A lady came to me about 2 weeks ago.

she: I heard that your dad has cancer..
me: yes..
she: I heard it is lung cancer...
me: ( signing... )yes, late stage.
she: don't do surgery, don't do chemo either...
me: (feeling very understood...) yes, you are right, and that's what my sister has been suggesting.
she: Grace, if I knew this earlier, I would've shown/ given this to you earlier too...

( while she was talking, she took out a bottle of pills. I thought to myself: awww, they are so nice, everybody is trying to help out or at least giving me some ideas too...)

me: ( very touched...) you don't need to ...

( right before I finished my sentence of appreciation, she said ...)

she: I can sell this to you, and I still have two other bottles at home... If I knew earlier, I could've sold them to you long time ago...
me: (in shock, speechless.)
she: let me know, OK? But they won't be available after the 8th of July.
me: ( pretend to be calm and nod as well; under the breath, I heard myself: what the f***)

Still, right at this moment, I can still feel and hear myself. Seriously? What the F***!!!!!!!!!!!!1

TIME

Suddenly I wanted to blog. Now I'm on the way to St.Louis for a wedding. it has been around 5 hours on the road, and hasn't been as bad as I remembered. Guess overall, this trip might not be as bad as I thought it would.

Two years ago, David and I flew all the way to move our home to this country. Our flight was on the 7th of July. so pretty much, it has been two years since I moved. Two years! Time is very powerful. It changes everything, physically and mentally. I don't think I'm the self I used to be two years ago. Davis has been different, and our marriage surely is not the same anymore----of course, in a good way :) don't worry my friends :) and when i was recalling the memories I have about two years ago, a 15-year-old boy jumped into my head. I got to know him when I was in college. Back then, I always went to a local orphanage after church on Sunday's. He was always there. He was tall, and very dark. Super skinny. After running into him several times, I started to talk to him more. He moved here many years ago after a big flood in china. His mother died in that flood. Now his father had to work at many different jobs to support him and his sister. At that moment, he was enrolled in a CHinese Medicine and Acupuncture Vocational School to get some skills so he can help out. He was so skinny, and so humble when he was telling the story. He was sad too. He said he didn't have anything else to do, so why not come here to be with them...he said: I like children too; they don't have a mother, I don't have one either...
Whenever I think about him, my heart is really empty, and it will start aching. I invited him to go to our Christian retreat together; I got free clothes from my cousin who owned a big brand in China for him... He was always very grateful. I think I probably had my first parental instinct when I was with him. I wanted so bad to take carebof him; I wanted so bad to have a life without the sadness in his heart; I wanted so bad for him to feel that he was well loved by people around him... It was so great to him grow among us.
Later, I graduated. I left the city I went to school with. He was still there. Once a while, he would text me to tell me about his school and his life. Then I changed my phone number couple times, and I gradually forgot about him, and forgot to even transfer his number to my new phones/ numbers. No matter how important it is used to be in your life, trust me, friends, they will fade out throughout time; I'm sure I'm not the only person in the world holding this sort of regret. time can be a powerful instrument used by God; but it seems like most of the time, it has always been used as a weapon by Satan. It comes back out of blue, it will bite you hard on the softest spot in your soul.
I don't know if I am going to resume the contact with him; I know I will constantly think about him once a while... When I feel sad and angry about not keeping him in my life, I will pray to God to take care of him. I will pray that God gives him hope, and God will give him a person who can gradually eliminate the pain in his eyes, and, the most importantly, God has already had him follow the words.

I Have to Wait

Finally, it's the end of June already. This summer flies by crazily fast. I have finished two out of four classes, which made my July seem so easy breezy:) LOve it love it~

my friends C and her husband B went back to visit yesterday, so they baby dog right now is probably weeping in my living room----if she is not having fun chewing my pillows, chairs and sofa...finger crossed! We kept her in the guest bathroom last night. It was heart breaking to see her sad face coming behind that door. Since it's always my husband who chased her there highly against her free will, now she seems to be scared and always tries to hide behind me or a piece of furniture when he is pointing to that scary and dark corner . Her little dog head probably thinks a subject covering her can probably eliminate her existence for a while. Poor dog! So, David and I decided to let her stay in the living room for today, and I will go back to check on her during my one hour lunch break. I was telling myself that she was a trustworty dog, and she has passed the age of chewing random stuff.... Let's hope my assumption is correct.

I realized in just a few days that dogs are very much like a child, they all fall under the category of "the sweet burden". I have been thinking about the small being for a whole morning. When I found out that I actually have an hour break, I was happy and releaved, but still had a thought of "seriously, do I really have to go back in such a hot weather by bus?" we are selfish in a lot of ways, and the best way to monitor the selfishness in our life is to either have a severely illed parent, or a high maintainness pet or a child. I have seen my own selfishness popping out due to the first two circumstances. He knows the best. He surely knows how to shape me and mold me. I have a general idea what the potter's hands are shaping me into, and I'd love to see the results, but if there is a way for me escape the process, I will do whatever I can to make it happen. Yet it won't happen that way. I have so many worldly desires that I want to keep... so many that it hurts when they are ripped off.

This is a season which is supposed to be relaxing, though my heart is very much full and heavy. I don't know what might be like in 40 minutes when I am standing in my living room; I don't know what it'll be like in a month; I really want to know, but the one-computer-screen distance makes every anxiety one person can possibly have very much in vain...

Guess I'll just have to wait.

Shower, ribs and life in general

It's Monday again. In the summer, I go to work at 7:45 am every Monday and Wednesday. I work for 4 hours, then go to class in 15 minutes. School has been going well. D said to me last night that you surely like summer semester, don't you! I guess I really do, not much into the getting-up-in-the-morning part though ...other than that, I think my summer has been great.

I have two courses ending around the 25th of this month, and I have finished all the assignments for the two classes already!! Now, just getting ready for the two midterms and one final by reading and googling. Not bad.

D and I are putting a baby shower together for a friend. We are both very excited. I have already had many crazy and impractical ideas about the party. But we know for sure we are going to make a super duper cute CCC and some yummy awesome DDD, and something else. Sorry for those capitlized letters. I'm trying to keep my mouth shut while I'm revealing my secrets :) If the budget allows, I really want to go to the Party City in Tiger Town for some cool and fun decors. We'll see.

Yesteday, B and C told me about their appointment with a specialist in East Alabama Medical Center for B's ribs. For the record, it was after church. so the whole atmosphere was still pretty biblical. Hearing the situation, I said: awwww... and then the real me kicked in, so I had to be truthful, so I said: ribs... barbecue ribs... Dramatically, an once-a-life-time phenomenon happened: I have never seen B's two eye brows transfer to one whole line so fast, along with super expanded nostrils. It all happened so fast that my American husband only grasped "排骨". He was amused that we were so happy and excited about 排骨, so he chuckled. After the drama, we showed curtesy to each other by waving goodbye peacefully. As usual, our drive home was nice... at least the first third of the road. Then, at the very beginning of the second thirds, D suddenly asked: is rib 排骨 ( he especially made very good up and down on the 骨 part.). I was puzzled and didn't know what that was from (duh!). I said: yeah... then he started laughing : B 的排骨... yeah, like I said before, my husband is a very happy fellow, he can double or tripple the happiniess, so he can chuckle all the time :) Love it love it~

I'm thinking about making some change around my living room. Going to Hobby Lobby for some floral ideas today after class. But guess, you guys don't care except my husband. Cool. Have a good day!

DISAGREE

        Now it's summer semester. Things have been great, just don't really want to read my textbooks. they are just too boring. I haven't figured out how to pass my finals yet, and to be honest, I'm not very concerned. God is going to provide, right:)
        I have been thinking about the "unconditional support". I'm wondering how much real love is actually in there. It appears so easy to be soft and warm to your friends, who are planning on doing something stupid or outrageous. When they sit across the coffee table, puring their heart out, we are supposed to show love and care through our eyes and gestures. Supposedly. The classic line is always: I will support you no matter what... I will always be there if you want to talk. Why can't we just tell them that they are indeed stupid and compulsive? I mean, we do tell our sisters, brothers, spouses, and even parents that, right? Why, suddenly, do we turn to be so harsh and cold? why so different from how you treat your friends?
       My very rational yet extreme understanding is that we'd love to play "cool" in our life when cool and nice can work to increase the admiration and love from our social group, which miraculously feeds our own ego. We all know that we won't live with the consequences coming with our friends' decisions for long. We could choose to stay put for a while, then we could go ahead and say: I will always support you like I have always been, but you need to move on... is that the only thing you can talk about when you are with me? aren't there supposed to be more than that? .... Those cards play well all the time.
        However, when we deal with family, we are so practical, real, mean (even) and truthful. We don't care shouting that we don't agree, because we know the ideas being discussed are stupid/ bad; we know if we failed to keep our stance, someone will be in trouble; we know that consequences are not joking; esp, we know very well that WE will be part of the consequences as well.
        So which one is more of love?
        People don't say it much, but they categorize their friends. At least, I do. I don't mind saying "I disagree" to the friends I care, and I wish I can say more.And, you do the same too.
        Love y'all.