It has been bothering me for quite a long time, and I just have to share it here.
A lady came to me about 2 weeks ago.
she: I heard that your dad has cancer..
me: yes..
she: I heard it is lung cancer...
me: ( signing... )yes, late stage.
she: don't do surgery, don't do chemo either...
me: (feeling very understood...) yes, you are right, and that's what my sister has been suggesting.
she: Grace, if I knew this earlier, I would've shown/ given this to you earlier too...
( while she was talking, she took out a bottle of pills. I thought to myself: awww, they are so nice, everybody is trying to help out or at least giving me some ideas too...)
me: ( very touched...) you don't need to ...
( right before I finished my sentence of appreciation, she said ...)
she: I can sell this to you, and I still have two other bottles at home... If I knew earlier, I could've sold them to you long time ago...
me: (in shock, speechless.)
she: let me know, OK? But they won't be available after the 8th of July.
me: ( pretend to be calm and nod as well; under the breath, I heard myself: what the f***)
Still, right at this moment, I can still feel and hear myself. Seriously? What the F***!!!!!!!!!!!!1
Tuesday, July 5, 2011
Saturday, July 2, 2011
TIME
Suddenly I wanted to blog. Now I'm on the way to St.Louis for a wedding. it has been around 5 hours on the road, and hasn't been as bad as I remembered. Guess overall, this trip might not be as bad as I thought it would.
Two years ago, David and I flew all the way to move our home to this country. Our flight was on the 7th of July. so pretty much, it has been two years since I moved. Two years! Time is very powerful. It changes everything, physically and mentally. I don't think I'm the self I used to be two years ago. Davis has been different, and our marriage surely is not the same anymore----of course, in a good way :) don't worry my friends :) and when i was recalling the memories I have about two years ago, a 15-year-old boy jumped into my head. I got to know him when I was in college. Back then, I always went to a local orphanage after church on Sunday's. He was always there. He was tall, and very dark. Super skinny. After running into him several times, I started to talk to him more. He moved here many years ago after a big flood in china. His mother died in that flood. Now his father had to work at many different jobs to support him and his sister. At that moment, he was enrolled in a CHinese Medicine and Acupuncture Vocational School to get some skills so he can help out. He was so skinny, and so humble when he was telling the story. He was sad too. He said he didn't have anything else to do, so why not come here to be with them...he said: I like children too; they don't have a mother, I don't have one either...
Whenever I think about him, my heart is really empty, and it will start aching. I invited him to go to our Christian retreat together; I got free clothes from my cousin who owned a big brand in China for him... He was always very grateful. I think I probably had my first parental instinct when I was with him. I wanted so bad to take carebof him; I wanted so bad to have a life without the sadness in his heart; I wanted so bad for him to feel that he was well loved by people around him... It was so great to him grow among us.
Later, I graduated. I left the city I went to school with. He was still there. Once a while, he would text me to tell me about his school and his life. Then I changed my phone number couple times, and I gradually forgot about him, and forgot to even transfer his number to my new phones/ numbers. No matter how important it is used to be in your life, trust me, friends, they will fade out throughout time; I'm sure I'm not the only person in the world holding this sort of regret. time can be a powerful instrument used by God; but it seems like most of the time, it has always been used as a weapon by Satan. It comes back out of blue, it will bite you hard on the softest spot in your soul.
I don't know if I am going to resume the contact with him; I know I will constantly think about him once a while... When I feel sad and angry about not keeping him in my life, I will pray to God to take care of him. I will pray that God gives him hope, and God will give him a person who can gradually eliminate the pain in his eyes, and, the most importantly, God has already had him follow the words.
Two years ago, David and I flew all the way to move our home to this country. Our flight was on the 7th of July. so pretty much, it has been two years since I moved. Two years! Time is very powerful. It changes everything, physically and mentally. I don't think I'm the self I used to be two years ago. Davis has been different, and our marriage surely is not the same anymore----of course, in a good way :) don't worry my friends :) and when i was recalling the memories I have about two years ago, a 15-year-old boy jumped into my head. I got to know him when I was in college. Back then, I always went to a local orphanage after church on Sunday's. He was always there. He was tall, and very dark. Super skinny. After running into him several times, I started to talk to him more. He moved here many years ago after a big flood in china. His mother died in that flood. Now his father had to work at many different jobs to support him and his sister. At that moment, he was enrolled in a CHinese Medicine and Acupuncture Vocational School to get some skills so he can help out. He was so skinny, and so humble when he was telling the story. He was sad too. He said he didn't have anything else to do, so why not come here to be with them...he said: I like children too; they don't have a mother, I don't have one either...
Whenever I think about him, my heart is really empty, and it will start aching. I invited him to go to our Christian retreat together; I got free clothes from my cousin who owned a big brand in China for him... He was always very grateful. I think I probably had my first parental instinct when I was with him. I wanted so bad to take carebof him; I wanted so bad to have a life without the sadness in his heart; I wanted so bad for him to feel that he was well loved by people around him... It was so great to him grow among us.
Later, I graduated. I left the city I went to school with. He was still there. Once a while, he would text me to tell me about his school and his life. Then I changed my phone number couple times, and I gradually forgot about him, and forgot to even transfer his number to my new phones/ numbers. No matter how important it is used to be in your life, trust me, friends, they will fade out throughout time; I'm sure I'm not the only person in the world holding this sort of regret. time can be a powerful instrument used by God; but it seems like most of the time, it has always been used as a weapon by Satan. It comes back out of blue, it will bite you hard on the softest spot in your soul.
I don't know if I am going to resume the contact with him; I know I will constantly think about him once a while... When I feel sad and angry about not keeping him in my life, I will pray to God to take care of him. I will pray that God gives him hope, and God will give him a person who can gradually eliminate the pain in his eyes, and, the most importantly, God has already had him follow the words.
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